Maybe I just don’t put up with much shit. Maybe I’m stronger than most. Maybe I just have to do things my way. Maybe my mother and father taught me that life wasn’t handed to you on a silver platter, and trust me I asked for that a lot.
So I started to watch this youtube video and about 2 minutes into it I wanted to poke my eyes out… In short, (just incase you can’t stand watching either) this women made this video about driving with a male co-driver whom she couldn’t stand. He stopped too many times, which woke her up when he stopped, he drove into her drive time, he stopped to pee, he visited with a friend, she said she was in hostile work conditions…. blah, blah, blah. I kept asking myself why are women so stupid???? Why is this woman complaining and making videos rather than fixing the problem? Funny. By her comment on her video, she’s still unemployed…. Now who has the problem? Him or her???? Personally I think he was just trying to rid himself of her….
Now. I know I will not make any friends this way, but I don’t care. Women need to stick up for themselves. Women need to quit taking about “getting the word out about piss poor driving conditions” and do something besides talk. If you don’t like the guy your teaming with get the fuck out of the truck. If he lays a hand on you hit him over the head, call the cops, then get out of the truck. If you don’t like how he drives, quit bitching and get your own job in your own truck and drive!!!
There are hundreds of companies that will hire inexperienced drivers. There is also a large amount of trucking companies that will hire damn good drivers. Figure out which one you are and get on with it!
This brings me to a conversation a friend and I had the other day about women having to “Prove” themselves whether it be in the trucking industry, law enforcement, lawyers, or any other male dominated job. Sadly, more and more I see women out here on the road that seem to want to play with the boys until it’s not any more fun or till the rules change.
Trucking is not a vacation. Trucking is not sightseeing. Trucking is thankless. And trucking is trucking. My life on the road has not been a million laughs, but I can’t say I’ve ever regretted what I do. I have had men test me. I’ve had men swear at me (among other things) and one thing I have never done is try to “prove” myself or ask for special favors or conditions.
I have known since the very start of my driving career that I had to be as good, if not better than the men I was working with to get respect out here. When I haven’t been good, I’ve been able to admit it and ask for help. I can also laugh at myself, take criticism, and get on with it…I work hard to better myself out here every day and I really dislike all the babies both male and female that are in trucking these days… I think women and men need to be able to do the job in whole or get the hell out. Oh, and quit making videos that gives trucking a black eye just so people feel sorry for you… Buck up!
Okay, I did bristle more than a bit at the whole “why are women so stupid bit,” especially to come from another woman, but I’m trying to be polite in my response.
I think it’s far too easy for particular women who are tougher than others to dismiss other women as whiners or babies when they complain about men’s behavior, whether it’s sexism or just general male priggishness. One thing that needs to be kept in mind is that by and large, while there are exceptions and you may be one of them, the majority of women in our society are trained to be docile creatures, taught that being nice, quiet, and unassuming is the only appropriate behavior for a female. If we get loud, we’re accused of being bitchy/aggressive/ballbusting/hysterical…or better yet we have our sexuality called into question and we’re disparagingly called hairy dykes or whatever. We’re taught NOT to be aggressive in any way, not in voice or action. It’s much too easy to tell a woman she should just smack a man over the head, when the average man has a considerable advantage in height, weight, and strength over the average woman, and most women are not taught to be assertive, much less aggressive. In particular a man who is liable to disrepect a woman enough to touch her without permission is also likely to be the sort who would react violently to being hit by her.
I mean, it’s terrific to talk about what women should do, but you’re not taking into account the patriarchal culture we live in, where men are taught that being dominating and aggressive–and belittling toward women, especially in a traditionally male environment as trucking–is acceptable, even appropriate, for men, whereas the opposite is true for women. It’s a very integral part of the reality women live in that should not be dismissed in the process of telling women to just cowgirl up.
I totally agree with you, and that’s where I get my “Why are women so stupid?”. We don’t need to take shit from anyone. I guess I’m lucky as I come from a mother and father who are equal and some days my mother wears the pants and other days my father does… Now days, I live in a part of the world that is run by men who think a woman is there for looks, babies, and to feed the men, I married a man who thought that way, and for years I tried to do my best to keep my mouth shut and go with it, even though I didn’t agree…
Now, I open my mouth, say what I think, and although I’m only 5’5 I will or would, fight to the end with any man who tried to belittle me in any way. And I don’t care what someone thinks of me. I’m happier for “who” I am now, than when I was trying to be “who” someone else wanted me to be.
I guess my issue is that it is NOT that women are stupid, but, as I said, we are socialized to be docile. It’s arguably not as true as it once was, but it is still true for the majority of women, and patriarchal attitudes are so ingrained in society that even where women are not _explicitly_ taught to be submissive, the assumption is there, nevertheless, in so much of what we take for granted as proper or normal.
Asking why women are stupid wildly misses the mark, because it presumes that women are inherently stupid–that is to say, inherently inferior–and it is _precisely_ this sexist thinking that is part of the problem. Because it is not that women are stupid, it is that our society teaches us that there is only one particular acceptable set of behaviors for women, and to step outside these parameters is wrong, whether because it’s unfeminine and therefore unnatural, ungodly, you name it. The consequences for this transgression can run the gamut anywhere from (relatively) harmless teasing (to not-so-harmless emotional abuse), to physical brutality.
I’m glad you are able to handle whatever crap gets thrown your way for being a female trucker. But please realize that other women’s lack of being just as take-no-shit strong as you are is NOT a moral failing on their part.
Bethany, I’m with you. To take the time and energy to make a video and post it on youtube indicates a choice on this womans part to step into a certain role. To identify women as victims of their culture is another way of diminishing them. “Not-your-fault” only goes so far. Personal accountability carries a lot more respect and is a more life-supporting message for us to communicate to one another. And it can coexist with the recognition that cultivating this trait is easier for some women than it is for others and that we all deserve compassion.
Hey there OneTruckGirl!
Greetings from the Produce Trucker Podcast! Really enjoyed spending some time on your blog. I think I’ll put it up on my links. Have a good ride!
Well said Paula… Thank you for the visit. Wilson I will check out your site and add it to my links! Thank you!
Achem.
I resent the assertion that I am diminishing women by identifying them as victims of the culture.
That we live in a patriarchal society that privileges men at women’s expense is a FACT, not an opinion, and acknowledging that this is the case, that the deck is stacked against women, is NOT writing them off as helpless victims.
Dismissing the fact of patriarchy and bluntly demanding to know why women are stupid, however, as if there is something biologically inferior about women, on the other hand…this is about as sexist as it gets, and yet my statement was diminishing to women??
For that matter, what’s this business about “not-your-fault”?? Having the ability to deal with the crap men can dish out is a separate issue from not being at fault for something or having personal accountability. It ISN’T any woman’s fault that we live in a sexist society, but beyond that, there was no situation mentioned that had anything to do with blaming someone, or reassuring a woman that something wasn’t her fault. So…what??
We all have our own opinion…. And that’s a good thing my friends… My motto is this: We all have our own truth… Life is so much easier this way. We don’t always have to understand how others feel or believe what one person believes to come together in this life… End of subject.
Nice dodge, Bethany.
I’m with Silfren.
No dodge. My opinion. It counts just like yours…
Oh Bethany, I almost wet my pants when I saw the topic of this post!! I heart YOU!! I am 4’11″ and pull a FLATBED into NYC each week. I too, am sick of women playing the “poor me” act and asking for special treatment. I do not want it! I do not ask for it. I do my job to the best of my ability, which I have worked at for over 12 years. I dont know if you watched the entire video, but she mentioned that he stopped 4 times in 10 hours…..I think that is very reasonable, maybe that is just me! But, I agree, if someone does not like their work environment, they have the option to change it….I also, do not appreciate the women in the industry who are making the rest of us look bad..I agree, Buck Up Ladies!! I think it is just in very poor taste to chose a career and expect special treatment, and when you dont get it, you become the victim… I could rant about this forever….But you get the idea!!
lol! Alright Terry, you made my night last night when I read this! Not only do I heart you back, but give you a TON of credit for pulling a skateboard! I don’t know that I would want the responsibility!
You said it perfectly though, that you have “worked” over 12 years… I don’t care if it’s trucking, working at a bank or what have you, to better yourself it takes perseverance to be good at what you do. Agreed on all other points too… But I’m gonna leave it alone! lol
It’s not very often that I meet female truckdrivers but it happens every now and then.
And I must say that I don’t treat them any different at all, I treat them just as I treat male drivers. If they need help, I help them, just as I would help a male driver that have any sort of problem.
I usually try to express how glad they make me though, because seeing women truckdrivers really makes me glad. You are needed in the trucking industry!!!
Tomas